


let us take another shot

by marvelleous



Series: i'll follow you, to the ends of the earth [5]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Post 4x22, because phil needs to make it up to melinda, he wasted their haig with a robot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 11:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10875618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelleous/pseuds/marvelleous
Summary: Phil presents Melinda with a brand new bottle of Haig, and they finally have the conversation they should have had years ago.





	let us take another shot

Melinda is sitting alone in her bunk, the Zephyr on auto-pilot, manned by one of the junior agents. It's three in the morning, somewhere, and she's finally getting ready to retire for the evening, her entire body aching from the past few months of wear. 

"Hey."

Phil is standing in the doorway, very clearly hiding something behind his back, and she doesn't respond, just shifts over on the already small bed to give him room. He quietly closes the door behind him, bending down to avoid hitting his head on the rather low ceiling, and she feels the mattress dip as he sits down beside her.

"I know it's not the same..." he says, trailing off as he waits for her to turn towards him. There's a bottle of scotch in his lap, his hands covering the label, but she recognises it anyway, how could she not, after all the years they spent toying with the idea of opening it and sharing that drink together.

"Pricey," she comments lowly as she plucks it from his grasp, turning it in her hands. Somehow Phil had managed to track down a bottle from the same year their's had been, and knowing how much Fury treasured it back then, she has a feeling the price has only skyrocketed on it.

"May, I'm so sorry. If I had only realised sooner-" he starts, and this time, she cuts him off, twisting the cap and opening the bottle, taking one long swig before passing it back over to him. It burns in her throat and somehow doesn't give her the satisfaction she'd always hoped it would. But then again, she'd never pictured they'd be opening it like this. And Phil isn't wrong, it's not the same.

But it had never been the Haig that truly mattered to her.

It was the meaning behind their promise, to share it together. And he'd gone off and done that with someone else, a robot replica of herself. She knows it's not Phil's fault, and she's not angry at him.

Melinda isn't quite sure what to feel, but the overwhelming sting of disappointment is there; a strange weight on her chest and twist in her gut that she can't explain. For her the Haig had represented moving forward in their relationship together, a second chance for both of them later on in life.

She had always entertained the idea that Phil might have similar thoughts.

But now, after all he has told her about what went down between him and her LMD copy, she's not so sure.

A bitter part within her is almost happy that the robot had been the one to share the drink with him, that he had probably turned down it's advances too, and that she never had to bear her heart and soul to him about it. It would be a secret, another that she can now forever hide, behind this robotic part of her that he clearly sees.

Phil had always meant a lot to her; it was difficult to think, to know for sure now, that while she was important to him, it wasn't the same.

She watches silently as he takes a sip of scotch, studying his expression. There's an indescribable feeling within her when he smiles, giving her a look that she was once accustomed to, many, many years ago.

"Taste the same?" she tries, wanting nothing more than to pretend that everything is fine and she isn't minutes from passing out. As much as she hates to admit it, the exhaustion, the pain, both physically and mentally, it's getting to her.

"Better," he responds, and she doesn't know what to make of that.

"So, um, what did she do... robot me? How'd you know it wasn't me?"

Melinda can pinpoint the exact moment that Phil freezes up beside her, his hands tightening around the neck of the bottle and with his upgrades, she's afraid he might accidentally crush it to pieces. She holds out a hand and he takes a deep breath, realising just how obvious he had been with his emotions, and passes it over to her. She replaces the cap and sets it down on the ground by her feet before turning back towards him.

As much as she tries to avoid these conversations, this is one they need to have. Phil has been her friend for years, and no matter what she may mean to him, she knows she doesn't want to go on with him being so squirrelly around her. That's not how their relationship is, how their friendship is, and she can't stand the awkwardness that has developed between them because of this.

"I know she tried to kill you... but I also know you Phil. And you know me. You must have figured it out before then, must have had some clue..."

He sighs heavily, shoulders slumping as he focuses on his hands, before turning to her, with the most heartbreaking expression on his face.

"I... there were things I noticed. I wanted to ignore it, pretend it was real. I thought it was real..."

She frowns, unable to stop herself from reaching out and setting a hand on his arm, fingers curling loosely around his wrist.

"What?"

"You smiled more. I thought it was because you were happier to be around me. You... you reached out to me, comforted me."

The warmth in the pit of her stomach is gone as a sense of despair washes over her. She'd felt it down in the oil rig before, but... did Phil really prefer this robotic version of herself over the real her...

"We drank together. The Haig. Had dinner, almost every night actually."

He laughs, and she can feel the self-deprecation in the way that he does.

"I should have known, but... I didn't want to. We were growing closer and I... I wanted that."

It’s Melinda's turn to freeze, her grip tightening around Phil's wrist at his confession.

He wanted their relationship to change; he wanted the same things that she had.

"I should have known I was kidding myself after all these years."

The look on his face gives her more pain then she could ever imagine feeling, and the thought that Phil thinks that she doesn't feel these things, these same things that he does... she doesn't even know how to process it.

She isn't good at comforting people, not anymore, but all she can do is try.

"Phil, I-," she starts, but he shakes his head, turning towards her with a smile so forced that it destroys whatever else is left of the barriers she's kept up for so long.

"I let myself think she was you, because together we did everything I wanted to do with you. When she... when she asked if I was ready for whatever happens next... I kissed her. Deep down I knew something was wrong, but I ignored it in favour of my feelings and look what happened to us."

Melinda bites her lip to contain the gasp she would have otherwise let out. She can't even imagine how he must be feeling... the first step he'd made in nearly twenty years and it had turned out to be an LMD, who by her calculation, probably tried to kill him not too long afterwards.

These revelations all explain so much, the gentleness in which he held her, after she had been gone for all this time. The strange longing in his eyes when he watched her, the way he wanted to conceal all these emotions.

He wasn't angry with her... he wasn't confused because her robotic copy had tried to murder him. He didn't know what to do, because he doesn't know how she feels, and she supposes there's really only one way to rectify that.

Phil begins to try extracting his arm from her grip, shaking his head again and whispering out another apology but she stops him, resting another hand on his knee and looking into his eyes.

"I always imagined we'd be happier when we cracked open that bottle. It always meant more than just a drink to me, Phil."

His eyes begin to widen at her words, and she allows herself a small smile as she continues.

"When I asked you if my robot self had made a move on you... I was afraid that without my inhibitions, I'd confessed my feelings to you, about you, and that you hadn't felt the same way."

His mouth drops open, and she moves one hand up from his arm to rest on his shoulder, her fingertips brushing the bare skin of his neck, making him shudder at her touch.

"Melinda," he whispers, just a moment before she leans in and God she hopes she's making the right choice here but honestly, she couldn't care less.

The robot may have taken their first real kiss, and she'll be damned if they don't fix that.

She hears his quiet gasp of surprise as her lips brush against his, and she pauses, waiting for him to do something, anything. When he doesn't after a moment, she kisses him again, this time with a little more force, and she almost sighs in relief when he reciprocates.

She can feel as one of his hands moves to her hip, pulling her in closer while the other winds it's way into her hair and his tongue slips into her mouth, brushing against hers.

Part of her wants to pull away, to take things slow, but they've been waiting so long for this, and it's even better than she could have ever imagined.

She groans quietly, a low rumble in the back of her throats when he sucks on her bottom lip, and retaliates by digging her fingers into the back of his neck.

When they pull apart for air, they're both laughing, breathless, and she kisses him again. They've drifted so close to one another that she's almost in his lap, and she shifts backwards on the bed, pulling him with her.

She remembers the first time they kissed for a mission, how red his face had turned, how hard she had tried to hide that she enjoyed it. It doesn't compare to this, a real moment between them.

After so many years of putting everything else first, of choosing SHIELD and others, she's finally choosing happiness.

And happiness is with Phil.

Her hair is tangled and her lips are red and swollen when they pull apart once more. She lifts the covers to her bed, climbing in and inviting him to do the same.

This might be new, but it's also been years in the making, and tonight they'll finally have that talk they should have had years ago.

She rests a hand over his heart while he brushes her cheek with his own, and they lie together, legs entwined, bundled up in their own joy.

"I thought you knew. I told you that you meant a lot to me," she whispers, smiling and he shakes his head softly, unable to keep himself from touching her, fingers brushing against her hip, tucking a stray curl behind her ear.

"I didn't want to get my hopes up," he responds, shifting closer and rubbing the tips of their noses together. "You mean everything to me, Melinda."

And for the first time in a long time they fall asleep together, in each other's arms. They're happy, and together, and neither of them have it in them to be angry when they're rudely awakened in the morning by Daisy's less than subtle squeals of joy.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! if you enjoyed, please let me know by leaving a comment down below :)


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